Median System

hi all <3 ! i’m dice, and i’m 90% sure i am a system. we’re traumagenic i believe, but i don’t know if we’re disordered or not.

h very new to this- but i’ve done research and a lot of internal thinking and questioning. we have two known facets- little one and lycelius. for the longest time whenever i had a breakdown, was stressed, overstimulated, etc. i described it as having different versions of me all living in my head. when i was stressed, the ‘little one’ (<- origin of his name) came out and pushed on all the buttons that controlled me. i felt shoved aside and had to fight to get my hands back on the control. it felt a lot like the headquarters in Inside Out, though instead of emotions they were… different. this happened (and happens still) very often, and the defining features of this ‘little one’ that came out was that they were selectively mute, age regressed, and little. when able to talk they used baby talk and typing quirks when typing.

since i found out about DID, i felt drawn to it but knew i didn’t have it. i shoved it aside, but then found out about OSDD and other plurality. i felt even more drawn to it, and this time couldn’t really shake that feeling.

doing research, little one made himself much more known. through gut feelings, i found out his pronouns, age, and other things. for example i know he loves baby blue and plushies. we’ve even somewhat communicated- though not through words. it’s kind of just.. sensing the feelings and thoughts as if they were your own, though they’re not quite.

as of now we identify as a median monoconscious system, possibly varion. i also am the host and blanketself, as the facets are very much that- versions of me with exaggerated traits or interests.

we have no amnesia blocks, also.

so… basically, my reasoning for typing all this out here is that i’m completely unsure if we are disordered or not. if we are… i’d like to try to get a diagnoses or something. it would bring me peace of mind and prevent myself from fakeclaiming us, which is hard for me not to do. it would also help us tell our family and friends and explain it to them.

the things i’ve heard about OSDD-1 are conflicting. some say they have less defined alters and little to no amnesia gaps, but others say it’s much like DID. i’ve heard that if you fit both criteria for OSDD-1a and 1b, then it’s just OSDD-1. what of this is true or false? of course various people’s experiences will be different, but they seem to be opposite from one another.

thanks anyone for listening and responding to this ramble, i hope this wiki is active enough for somebody to give some advice… thank you <3 !

So like, a few months ago one of our littles fronted and couldnt switch back or hear any of us (probably got frontstuck..).. she got scared and then started crying and only then i fronted. And it happened a few days ago (well, yesterday) with another alter of ours but i was co fronting with her and she tried to go into headspace but couldnt? The thing is this has never happened before untill recently? Idk it probably is normal for systems its just that im undiagnosed and cant get a diagnosis untill im 18 or older.(parents dont believe us, lol) Would this be called "front stuck"? or something else? i know i dont do what those two alters did (yet) and i think im frontstuck (ive been in front for more than 10 days..), but i can go into headspace whenever i like i think (usually at night) but i choose not to. Its just they told me they couldnt like go into headspace at all. - 🦊🕊

Anyway, crisis moment, so im back at this wiki and looking at my old post

I see this wikis pretty inactive now :/

By "give me roles" i mean like list all the roles and what they do? I'm a singlet (i think) questioning if i'm a system and i'm trying to learn about systems and stuff and i don't really get the roles. Thank you :) -🦊🕊(he/they/it)

Am i considered a system (questioning that i am traumagenic/neurogenic Median system) if i don't exactly experience alters, but different versions of myself? i use two names depending on which version of myself takes over. liek when i am calm and happy and stuff, i 'feel like Ace' & use she/he/they/xe pronouns, and when i feel angry and annoyed, i 'feel like Sam' & use he/they/void/xe pronouns. different 'people' (which are just different versions of myself but still a LITTLE different from each other????????). idk im very confused.

But neurotraumagenic Median System just feels correct. idkkkkkkk

I'm too lazy to count rn so heres everyone we have:

Jack

Ajaxx

Bee

Ren/Ran

Leo/Sam

Tommy

Riyne

Jester/Duo

Another Leo but this ones a fictive

Donnie

Mikey

Rue

Zaro

Atlas

Usagi

Zxeon

Astyr/Chester/Robiyn

Louie

Camilo

Max

(Also, unsure if we're OSDD or DID :D)

Parasian, Mesosian, Diversian

(also correct me if I'm wrong)

Hi! we just found this place, and it seems nice. we've known about being a system for a bit now, and for us median system seems to fit. have a nice day!

- clem (they/it/she/glitch) and frond!! (she/pur/ae/xe)

Sorry this is so long

I think I might be a system, maybe median, but it could be BPD which I recently figured out I might have.

Basically, I feel like my emotions are different entities/people or something but still me, like when I’m mad and having a fight (verbally) with my parent, it’ll be like I’m in the back watching myself yell and say some bad things to my parent on impulse and I can’t stop, same with sometimes I’ll do a action or say something or make a noise and I’ll feel like that wasn’t me. also, one time I was having a hard day and I was thinking and there were several things going on where I’m telling myself to shut up while my other thoughts was saying bad things about me and that I’m awful, and then out of no where a voice said “it’s ok, it’ll be ok” In such a nice compassionate way I nearly started crying.

It feels like separate people/or like separate mes who act differently, but there isn’t enough to identify as actual headmates. I don’t experience any amnesia but I do experience almost constant dissociation. Idk if this explain why I like we/us pronouns either. It’s probably just my bpd and intense emotions but idk for sure. Idk if this even explains it well. (I also feel like a different person alone and when social, idk why that is)

If anyone can help me understand that would be greatly appreciated

-wilbur

When I sleep, I feel as though I visit different dimensions. In these dimensions, all of my senses are still intact. However, I never look the way I do in this dimension. I can interact with others and I have relationships in these worlds that I don’t here. I feel sad and lonesome when I wake up, because I’m no longer with the people I know/love in that dimension.

When I’m awake (aka in meatspace) it’s hard to tell who I am sometimes. My identity just feels generally blurry. There are some rare moments where I know who I am, but I feel misplaced. Like I’m not meant to be here. It’s like there's an infinite number of “inner-worlds” that have limited access and are really only available when asleep. I also never feel alone,,, yet don’t have the ability to communicate with anyone when awake. Sometimes I know who it is, and other times I don’t.

The way it works doesn't make much sense to me. It’s as if I’m “hopping” into alternate states of consciousness. Sometimes I’m said person, and other times I’m not. My memories, feelings, overall identity and “inner-body” change. Sometimes these alternate states of identity are recognized characters in shows I know, but with different memories and relationships. (which i think can be considered ackili and/or soulbonds)

There are a few explanations that may fit this experience, but none of them feel entirely right. Am I delusional? Am I part of a dreamway system? Am I a soulbonder? Do I have MADD? There are so many possibilities, it’s overwhelming.

I experience amnesia, but I’m not sure if it even has anything to do with this. I’m just constantly in a state of inescapable dissociation (unless asleep, where i’m in what feels like my “own/real body”).

At some point, I even questioned if I was part of an OSDD1B system. I still question this experience, but it’s just gotten more complicated over the years. I just want an explanation for it all, but it feels like the further I get into it, the further I am from getting an answer. The best way I can explain it as of now is having two side systems. One being DID and the other being dreamway. Though, at this point I feel like remaining labeless is the best answer. Whenever I try on new labels to better express myself, I feel somehow deceitful due to my doubt. If anyone has had similar experiences, please do share! I’d love to see how others like me express themselves in this world. Apologies for any potential confusion with the way I typed this all out. ^^;